The Impact of My Freedom

Living overseas, in a place like Beirut, has taught me many things. Mostly to adapt and shift perspectives. You get used to being way out of your comfort zone. You cherish moments of calm and are grateful for the simplest of things, like having water and electricity. There is a certain freedom in being flexible in challenging situations. 

A few years ago, I was in Beirut at Christmas time. It was cold and rainy and wet - just miserable. Our apartment building ran out of government water and we went without water for a week. Living without electricity is difficult but not impossible. Living without water is quite another story. But after several gripe sessions, I adjusted, thought outside the box, and made do. I walked 15 minutes every morning at 5:30am to the gym, I did a short workout and showered. I then walked back to the apartment, dropped everything off, ate, and started my day by 9am. It was a process, a huge effort, and an inconvenience but I figured out how to shower every day and get a workout in. 

On Christmas morning, I stood in the kitchen trying to be grateful because we had electricity that morning. I was seeding a pomegranate (my favorite) for breakfast. I was thinking how nice it would be to have water on Christmas day. At that moment, I heard a rush of water filling the tank directly over the kitchen. I kid you not. We had water! I have never been so grateful to flush a toilet or do dishes in my life. It truly was a Christmas miracle. 

And as bad as my living conditions were, they were far more terrible in the refugee camps I worked in. It really gave me pause about my own complaining and bad attitude. It also taught me to adjust to my current conditions and deal with it in order to serve others. There is freedom in that experience.

Beirut is a good teacher on the fragility of life. Life is volatile there; everything can change in a second and it does. You must adapt and meet challenges head on if you want to survive. It also made me truly appreciate the value of life. Because our life and the lives of others are a gift. There is beauty in that fragility, you learn to expect it in the most unexpected places. 

I have been thinking loads of these lessons in recent days. The news coming out of Lebanon is distressing. The entire country is on the verge of famine and those marginalized groups, all of those in refugee camps, are being impacted the hardest. Also, I am stuck in the United States because my passport is basically worthless as most of the world has barred Americans from entering because of our mishandling of COVID. 

It’s a painful position for me to be in. There is huge need and much work to be done in Palestinian refugee camps and I am in Denver for the foreseeable future. The lesson of gratitude is possibly even more important while I am in my own country. I can still work on behalf of Palestinian refugees from here – teaching, advocating, and fundraising. It might not be the same as being with them and working together. But, it is being with them from afar. 

And I have been challenging myself on what I can do here in Denver for my own community. Whether it is to give blood or help people to register to vote or give to local organizations meeting the needs of marginalized communities here. It has been important for me to continue to reach out to others. It is important to serve others during this time of anxiety. It transports me out of fixating on my anxiety to focusing on the needs of others. That produces gratefulness. Instead of complaining or whining about the current state or restrictions, I can see goodness. There is still beauty in the midst of the hard things in 2020. 

It is a challenge as an American to focus on community and not our individual needs. I learned well from Arabs how to hold up community needs. We must work together to ensure we all are okay, not just me or not just you, all of us. I guess my definition of freedom is much different as a result. 

I want my freedom to free others. 

I want to be free to serve others.

I want to be free to love others.

I want to be free to advocate for others.

I want to be free to see my own blind spots.

I want to be free to see my own selfishness.

I want to be free to see my own anxiety.

I want to be free of all that holds me back. 

I want the freedom to step outside myself. 

The freedom to be humble. 

Freedom to me is not being able to do whatever the hell I want. Although, I do have plenty of that attitude as an American. 

Freedom to me is living as though we are all interconnected. I have the freedom to put others before myself because my actions have an impact on others – good or bad. 

How do I want my freedom to impact others? 

How do you want my freedom to impact you?