Women
My interaction with an Iranian woman in the produce department of Sprouts has haunted me this past month. The original post is on Facebook. But basically a 60-year-old woman held her fist up and said, “Freedom for Iranian women!” and then “Freedom for all women!”
I held up my fist in solidarity and replied, “Freedom for Iranian women. Freedom for all women!”
I meant it. For all women to be free is something I desire. The older I get, the more I see it as a responsibility to produce platforms and opportunities for other women. I want to see women operating in their gifts and be truly who they are with no one holding them back, including themselves. I know this is a problem I have, believing in myself.
I love working with Palestinian women, because for starters, they get shit done, which is obviously important to me. Seriously, you want to accomplish something, ask an Arab woman. But also, they have taught me that what they consider freedom might differ from what I do. Something amazing happens inside you when you are confused or flat-out disagree with someone but fully support and advocate for their rights and for their freedom. It builds maturity, both emotional and spiritual. It also produces unconditional love and respect for a fellow human being.
I fully support Iranian women who don’t want to wear the chador[1] or have their bodies policed by the government or live in fear of having a piece of hair hanging out of their hijab[2]. I support freedom from violence and misogyny worldwide. It’s important to listen to the voices of women and hear what they want and not assume or decide for them. I found this podcast to be helpful in learning more about Iranian women.
There is something gnawing at me about all of this, including American support of Iranian women… Islamophobia.
Is the root of our support our bias, ignorance, or flat-out hatred of Islam?
I ask this question because over the past 19 years of working with Muslim women in the Middle East, I am repeatedly told how awful it must be for Muslim women and how oppressed they are because they must cover their hair. Why is uncovering your hair freedom?
Are Muslim women oppressed? Yes… and no.
Are women in America oppressed? Yes… and no.
Are women around the world oppressed? Yes.
Should we force women to conform by how they dress to some religious or cultural standard in America or Iran or Saudi or France?
Most of my Muslim friends wear a hijab because they want to show their devotion to God. They want to be modest. They want to be taken seriously for their accomplishments instead of being seen as objects. Sometimes they cover because it is what you do culturally. Sometimes they are forced to cover but this is not the norm.
A few years ago, I went to a screening of Sufra[3]. There was a Q&A with the director, and I explained I worked in Beirut, in the same camp that they filmed the movie in. I had a delightful conversation with the director. After, a woman came up to me and told me how awful it must be as a Muslim woman and that they needed to be free. I asked her if she had ever spoken to a Palestinian or a Muslim woman and asked what she wanted. She blankly stared at me. I asked her, “Well then, how would you know what they want or need? Or even what they consider freedom?”
She adamantly told me they needed to have their headscarves removed. That was freedom.
This is only one aspect of their lives, whether a woman is covered or not, but it happens to be the one aspect many people get stuck on. It somehow defines a Muslim woman completely. Maybe, we should just ask them about their lives. Why they cover, why they don’t, what they hope for, what they long for, what hurts them, what their dreams are, what their spiritual life looks like or just what their lives are like. To see them without our pity, without our biases, without our fear, to see them as women just like us, as equals.
Isn’t deciding for another woman from another culture what she needs without asking her just another form of oppression or subjugation? Just maybe, we don’t know what’s better for her.
In France, Muslim women cannot wear a hijab in government buildings or universities. While they can wear a headscarf in public places, a niqab and burka are forbidden. France forbids burkinis at public pools. Again, a government is policing what women can and can’t wear.
If you support Iranian women burning their chadors, then equally support Muslim women in France who want to go to the pool and university while wearing what they want!
Wearing or not wearing a hijab is a personal choice each Muslim woman should make.
Do I support the right of Muslim women to uncover? You bet I do. Do I support the right of Muslim women to cover? 100% I do. Because I want to support ALL women.
The most important thing in order to be an ally and support others is to learn from them. Seek Muslim women's voices, learn about their needs, desires, and wants. Even if it differs from your own, support their rights to live out their freedom as they choose.
Stand in a place of love with them.
Years ago, I asked one of my close Muslim friends to write out her faith as a Muslim. Here is her story:
“I was asked by a friend of mine to write what being a Muslim means to me and this really got me to think. I have identified myself as a Muslim quite early in my life. I have spent my early childhood in Saudi Arabia and was familiarized with detailed aspects of Islam early on. In fact, I have memorized big parts of the Quraan (our holy book) when I was just 6 years old. The Quraan is written in Arabic and its language has been described as "rhymed prose" as it partakes of both poetry and prose and thus it is not an easy task for someone so young to memorize it.
My parents although religiously devout, they encouraged us to read and learn instead of following blindly what we are told. This helped me make up my own mind and follow my own religious journey when I came back to Lebanon. I returned to my home country (Lebanon) as a teenager which opened a new world for me. Lebanon encompasses people of different religions and sects. It has the most religiously diverse society in the Middle East, comprising 18 recognized religious sects. The main two religions are Christianity (the Maronite Church, the Eastern Orthodox Church, the Armenian Apostolic Church, the Assyrian Church of the East) and Islam (Shia and Sunni). There is also the Druze minority religion. During my years at school and college, my closest friends were from other religions and we reached a point where we can discuss our different religious beliefs and practices in a very mature and respectable manner. I had to say mature and respectable knowing that this religious diversity caused a civil war in my country around 30 years ago. The moment you understand that the person in front of you was born and raised to follow a specific religion just like you and not only that but this warm unexplainable feeling of peace you get when you are connecting with god is something they have felt too, then you realize that we are not as different as our society forces us to think. I think what I am trying to say is although being Muslim has guided me to God just like any other religion is supposed to do. It has helped me with my religious journey but it does not define me as a person; only my faith does. “
*A great resource on learning more about Muslim women is the book, Nine Parts of Desire, by Geraldine Brooks.
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chador
[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hijab
[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burkini